In the excitement of being on Keeping up with the Kardashians, I posted all over Facebook: Look at me look at me! The show’s on tonight! 

Maybe I should have waited to see it for myself. 

I’m an Optimist

I said yes to the opportunity because I was told that Kourtney Kardashian had a real interest in what professional cuddling was all about. I decided it was worth the risk. Sure, I may look foolish, but if it went well, the episode would introduce Cuddle Sanctuary to tons more people. That could be great for me and for the cuddling industry.

Fei and I were ready and waiting at the Love Dome in Venice with our matching purple t-shirts. The cushions were out, the cameras were placed. We both had our hair and fingernails done. (When in Rome!)

As we waited for our guests to arrive, I wondered: “Will they be dismissive and unkind to us? Is that really what they have in mind?”

Kourtney Arrives

It didn’t take too long to get the group settled in a semi-circle to answer their questions. I was relieved. Kourtney and her friends were respectful and genuinely curious. The conversation flowed nicely. Then Fei and I did a fine job of teaching about consent and offering activities for them to try.

The fact that we ended our session in a spoon train seemed auspicious and fun. I was pleased and hopeful. 

Encore!

Within a week, the production called me again. Would we come to Kourtney’s house and help her sisters and her mom to cuddle? Hell yes! Would it be okay if they set up a tent and we had our session on the lawn. Well, that’s quirky, but okay.

Fei wasn’t able to make the date so I was on my own. I felt confident that I could create a safe and soothing experience for these women. (See “optimism” above.)

One woman had a headache. Another had shoulder pain. These humans seemed overworked and kind of stressed out. I invited them to breathe, get settled and feel. In less than an hour, there was laughter, a loving moment and even – be still my heart – one woman’s pain eased. I was thrilled. They seemed pleased. I left feeling drained and happy. I did my absolute best.

A Long Wait

This was in early March 2020. We had no notion that we got that segment shot just in the nick of time. I was told to expect the episode to air in September. It felt like an interminable long wait. Looking back, the biggest gift was in the waiting. 

“Hey, Cuddle Sanctuary’s going to be on Keeping Up with the Kardashians!” I might tell a friend.

“That’s so cool – congratulations!” they might say back.

It went like that for months.

Survey Says…

My boyfriend saw the episode before I did. He was unhappy with it. We watched it together, and then I was unhappy with it. My ego got a black eye.

After her first experience with Cuddle Sanctuary, Kourtney has lunch with her younger sister who has heard of my company, knows someone who has attended our events, but then says with the judginess of a mean girl, “So awkward.” 

What was harder is that I was portrayed as a hippy dipshit. They made it seem as if that stupid tent was mine – that I brought it and set it up in the backyard of their mansion because that’s how I roll. Blech!

Don’t do it, Kourtney!

When I was able to look at the bigger picture, there was something much more troubling going on. Kourtney remembered the concept of the oxytocin hug – that it might take up to 20 seconds to get that feel-good feeling. What she forgot is that a hug like that requires consent of both people.

Here’s what I wished she said to her sister, her mother and her child as this episode continued:

I learned in cuddle class that it can feel really nice to share a long hug, and it has health benefits, too. Would you be open to trying that with me and seeing how we feel? I promise to use the mirror technique – so if you want to end the hug, just pull away and I’ll do the same. 

Instead, without any context, Kourtney hugs her family members and doesn’t let go. It’s painful to watch.

Sour Grapes? Make Grape Juice

Perhaps I’m being too hard on Kourtney, the production, and the experience. Here are some nice things that happened as a result of this adventure:

• Audiences of the show felt tender feelings to see the family being sweet with each other.
• The topic of affection was introduced to thousands of people along with the fact that professional cuddling is a thing.
• Kourtney challenged her comfort zone and acknowledged that the effort was worth it.
• I got calls from a friend of mine from elementary school and my former summer camp counselor. That was nice.
• I was paid.

What’s Next?

I learned from this experience that I’d like to have more control over how my work is presented in the media. The best way to have control is to make the content yourself. That’s what I’m going to do. Want to help? Click here to learn more about The Cuddle Channel.