“You have the best job in the world.”

I hear this phrase a lot. It’s often delivered with awe. Sometimes, there’s a hint of accusation and envy.  

As a professional cuddler, it’s true that my life is filled with cuddling, and I even get paid for it. I agree that it’s a pretty sweet gig — though not for the reasons you might think.

Professional Cuddling?!?!?!

When Buzzfeed featured our work at Cuddle Sanctuary in the video “People Spoon With Professional Cuddlers for the First time“, the internet did its thing, and the comments blew up. Some viewers were squicked out and uncomfortable, others were moved to tears by the sweetness of it. The largest number of responses, however, were fixated on the existence of cuddling as a profession.

 

Here’s a sampling of comments to give you an idea:

 

I get it. We associate the word “cuddle” with relaxation and fun. Putting it in the context of a job – or even a career – seems like a complete oxymoron.

Still, I’d like to offer that the work of cuddling extends well beyond simply laying around and being a warm body. Let me assure you that the “Professional” in the job title is not there by mistake.

We don’t tend to accuse professional athletes of making an easy living by playing basketball all day and getting paid millions to do it. Nor do most of us claim that a therapist has the laziest job in the world — because all they do is sit in a comfy armchair and make conversation. Instead, we understand that beyond the surface, there is a lot more that goes into what they’re doing. 

This is where I’d like for us to arrive at with our profession, the work of cuddling.

 

So what exactly is all this work you speak of?

Behind the scenes of a cuddle session, there is often the typical hustle of a small business owner who wears all the hats of a company. There’s marketing, networking, web-building, being your own tech support, managing social media, finances, and a long laundry list of admin work.

Speaking of laundry – there’s literal laundry involved too: thankless loads of sheets and pillow cases and changes of clothes. We also have to clean and care for the physical space where sessions are held so that it’s clutter and distraction free, warm and inviting.  

This can take up a solid majority of our time, but seems periphery to the work we’re actually employed to do, and thus goes unseen. 

Even if we set aside the business and preparation aspect of things, you might be floored at the work that happens during a cuddle session itself. 

How hard can cuddling be? 

When clients come through my door, my goal is that they leave feeling relaxed, cared for, and completely blissed out. Often, however, the client is someone I’ve not met before, and they’re most likely carrying around some nervousness or anxiety around the session. For many clients, this will be their first time receiving this service, and they don’t know what to expect. It is then my job to employ all of my warmth and social skills to help them feel welcomed, safe and ready to connect. I open up conversation and bring my genuine curiosity and concern. We work on establishing rapport – that way, it won’t feel like they’re cuddling a stranger.

I always lead with some guided breathing and/or meditation, to help clients get relaxed and into their bodies. I then establish the guidelines for consent and teach them how to navigate our session so they can honor their boundaries and mine, while still experiencing the type of nurturing touch and connection they’re craving.

When we get to the cuddling part, it’s not like we just jump into spooning and stay there the whole time. In fact, not every client likes to spoon. There’s a myriad of options from eye-gazing to giving/receiving massages and more. Here, the client and I get to co-create together. My arsenal of well practiced cuddle techniques, positions and activities comes into play now. I know which ones work well for each situation, and weigh them against the needs of the client. I’ll use certain activities as primers and openers, and others to help them feel grounded and whole. I organize and guide the session and make offers that ensure a blissful variety that progresses smoothly one into another. There’s a carefully orchestrated structure and flow to the time, and I get to be the conductor. 

Cuddling a client is different from everyday cuddling

While I like staying authentic and fully myself, there is a difference in how I carry myself within a cuddle session with a client. Instead of simply dissolving into the experience like I might when in my personal time, I’m there to hold space. I become the container so you are allowed to melt completely.

I work on always being present in the moment. That means that even if we’re cuddling without conversation, my mind is fully engaged with our cuddle – and not wandering off to worry about the  rest of my day. I’m right there with you, being attuned to your breathing, your emotions, noticing the places where you are tensed and relaxed, adjusting my offers for activities accordingly.  I monitor my own breath: sometimes I’ll match your breathing, other times I’ll be inhaling and exhaling slowly and deeply in hopes of guiding yours to a slower pace. I make sure that I am relaxed, serene and calm so that you can experience it too. When I caress, my pace is slow and deliberate. Each touch is packed with intention, affection and care.

Then there’s this thing called emotional labor

Alongside being in a state of heightened physical awareness, there’s a deep level of emotional work that I commit myself to performing before and during a session. Emotional  labor is hard to quantify. If you’ve ever held a friend as they cried, or listened about the rough time they are going through, you might be familiar with the fatigue that comes afterward. That’s because holding space takes a lot of energy and focus. 

Besides wiping tears and listening and responding with empathy, I have a practice of approaching each client with complete open-heartedness, channeling unconditional love, and bringing genuine friendship into the time we connect. I do the hard work of addressing my own biases beforehand so that each client can experience the compassion they deserve.

Our clients come to us from all walks of life. Some are dealing with grief, or live with extreme loneliness and isolation. Others just enjoy the relaxation and self-care. We have clients on the autism spectrum, and those who seek our services to work through trauma around touch. Honoring and providing for each of these different needs takes delicate expertise and experience to navigate.

Also, because of the intimate nature of our work, professional cuddlers do a lot to maintain our boundaries. We learn to step into our authority, communicate clearly and respectfully, and to take precautions for our personal safety. There are many who venture into this profession with the idea that it’s a convenient way to make additional income. They often churn out because they were ill prepared and unequipped for the kind of work this requires. Inviting strangers into our intimate space exposes us to risk, but we do it because we love the work. 

Wow, that was a lot!

Just as you’re not supposed to notice how carefully a therapist crafts their words, or how many years of practice it took for the professional basketball player to make that 3 point shot, the cuddle experience with a skilled practitioner should feel effortless and seamless — like magic!   

Simply said, we make it look easy because we’re that good.

Now that you know all that gets poured into a cuddle session, you’ll be able to make an informed decision on who you choose as your service provider for this experience. There are many different takes on what the service is – I hope this gives you perspective on what it could and should be.

So for the heck of it, let’s review the list of skills a professional cuddler might employ in their every day work: 

• Business skills
• Tech savviness
• Customer service
• Leadership
• Effective communication
• Social & connection skills
• Mindfulness
• Technicalities of cuddling
• Body awareness
• Active listening skills
• Emotional labor
• Experience around grief, neuroatypical clients, trauma etc.
• Boundary Setting

Oh, and did I mention, the laundry?!

All of the professionals I have met in this industry are multi-talented and extremely capable people. I get the sense that they would be successful in many different jobs and fields – in fact many do have other successful careers. They choose this work because it’s a labor of love.

You can train to do this work 

I’m very fortunate to be at a point in my career where I get to train, mentor and certify others to do the work that we do at Cuddle Sanctuary. It’s intensely gratifying to set the standard of care in this field, and simultaneously bring more touch and connection into the world. 

If you’re a compassionate human being and have been curious about this work, know that you don’t have to grope in the dark and re-invent the wheel. You have the option of getting hands-on, practical training to set you up for success.

Here’s something else I can tell you: your job will not always be easy. Building a client base will take a lot of time and energy. You will be exposed to a lot of sadness. Some will misunderstand the value of your work. Cuddling with your client won’t make up for getting care and connection in your own life.

However, if you choose to take on this work:

• Your life will be centered around intimacy, human connection and touch
• You will give and receive lots of hugs
• You’ll be surrounded by people who are taking active care of themselves and who tend to be open-minded and growth-oriented
• You get to spend time at work caring for and being of service to others
• Your work will feel important and meaningful
• You get to do something you enjoy and are good at, and be appreciated for it
• The results are very immediate and very gratifying
• Sessions can be very meditative and relaxing even for the provider
• The oxytocin flows both ways! 

The Dream Job

Folks often ask me if I ever get tired of cuddling. The answer is no, I don’t. Bliss just doesn’t get old.

However, I do need a break from giving, and part of my responsibility to avoid burn-out is to make sure that I’m prioritizing self-care. Part of that is making sure I’m getting cuddled and looked after as well. It’s just the life of any helper professional.

So, yeah, it’s no free ride — but you were right. I do have the best job in the world.