One solution to the very natural need for nuturing touch is to have more people in your life that you’re allowed touch. That you feel safe touching. Wouldn’t that be great?! For ease of communication, I’ll call these people – these wonderful people you might want in your life – cuddle buddies.
Cuddle Buddy /ˈkədl /ˈbədē/ N. – A person with whom you can share consensual, non-sexual touch
With this definition, you can see that a cuddle buddy doesn’t have to be a spouse or sexual partner – but it certainly can be. A cuddle buddy is someone with whom you feel comfortable and safe enough to touch. It can be a family member or friend.
Tricky Territory
Because cuddling is so closely tied in people’s minds to sexual contact, it’s important for us to talk about sex now. Sex is beautiful. It’s a wonderful and healthy activity in it’s own right. And taking action to find great sexual partners is a good idea – it means that you’re taking care of your sexual health and happiness. Good!
Having said that, sex is not intended to be the goal of finding a cuddle buddy. If sex and sexual attraction is on the forefront of your mind, you may create some confusion for the people who are your potential cuddle buddies (PCBs). Your PCB may get a mixed message from you – in that you’re saying one thing and meaning and wanting something else. So take a deep breath and consider these questions:
Can you imagine an experience of touch and hugs without pressuring yourself or your cuddle buddy to turn it into something sexual?
Can you see the value of an experience like that?
If you’re in a monogamous partnership, can you and your partner consider the idea that you can separate out the need for sex for the simple need for touch?
Can you have a nonsexual cuddle buddy and still respect your relationship agreements with your partner?
Three Qualities of a Good Cuddle Buddy
What should you look for in a cuddle buddy? Here are the essential qualities to look for:
Safe: This Potential Cuddle Buddy (PCB) does not intend to do you any harm. You don’t have a history of bad experiences or violence with this person. Instead, you can imagine yourself relaxing in this PCB’s company and maybe even in their arms.
Open Minded: This PCB is interested to hear about new ideas, is open to trying new things or maybe even has experience with platonic cuddling.
Willing to Communicate: A good cuddle experience comes from being able to communicate what you want and don’t want. Thankfully, you and your PCB don’t have to be perfect at this. It helps if you both are interested in trying to communicate well with each other.
With the three qualities in mind, who in your life might be a PCB? Is it someone you already know and love? Might it be someone that you think might be open to it but you just aren’t sure?
Go ahead and make a list!
I have never had cuddle buddy, but when I hard about this I was very interested and feel this service is not only good for the client but the provider as well. Often times were only the customer satisfaction or benefit is considered not the provider. Both have and receive an equal gratification.
@Lenora – I agree but partaking in a session with a professional cuddlist, an average, runs $80.00 per hour so in my humble opinion, the client is paying for a service that the professional cuddlist benefits from too.
I had the privilege of my very first cuddle session with a professional last week and it’s simply in my nature to be affectionate and since I view trust as vital for a comfortable, platonic session, I did my best to make her extremely relaxed.
She was very sweet and I would enjoy seeing her again but my only true question here is, what makes a professional cuddler a professional when the client is giving just as much as receiving?
Please don’t get me wrong, but $80.00 per hour, tax free because clients pay in cash, appears to be a bit steep especially when the boundaries are outrageous. I’m a very open minded person and I see nothing abnormal or wrong with wanting to say, hold a breast.
I have always found great comfort and security while holding a breast. I’m a man and I’m sorry but I’m just being honest. I don’t view them as a sex object and it’s a shame that so many in today’s society do. Of course, this is a topic I never bring up as I don’t wish for any cuddlist to feel awkward or concerned and I will never, ever overstep boundaries.
However, I don’t feel I’m receiving the true comfort and relaxation I would like to receive during a session, especially at the price that professional cuddlists charges. It has been proven that breasts help reduce the chances of a stroke, lower blood pressure and reduces heart rate.
So here I am, always finding myself stuck between a good session and what can possibly the best platonic session I ever experienced. In short, I’m at a loss so if there are any participants that can add to this topic, I would love to hear from you.
Hi Jimmy – this post has so many thought-provoking nuggets!
Regarding a professional cuddler enjoying her/his work, my hope is that everyone who works would enjoy what they do. For instance, just because I love giving presentations doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be paid for it! Does that make sense?
Having said that, at Cuddle Sanctuary we train our professional cuddlers social work skills such as empathy and listening. Our professionals study and practice a variety of positions and caresses to provide a client with a deeply satisfying, relaxing experience. They are trained to give a seamless, uplifting experience. So, absolutely, they need to be paid for their services just as a massage therapist who loves her work should be paid.
When you say it was in your nature to be affectionate, I believe you and that’s wonderful! I’m wondering if you might challenge yourself at your next session to do a little more receiving to see how that feels. It actually can be tough at first to surrender and let the professional cuddler take care of you for a while. Maybe you would feel more value in the experience that way.
Your assumption that professional cuddlers receive cash and therefore it’s tax free is not necessarily accurate. We encourage our professionals to pay their taxes. I certainly do.
About holding a breast, wow, is there any research out there about the health benefits of contact with the breast? I’d be fascinated to read it! Our professional cuddle sessions steer clear of any erogenous zone and for many people, breasts fit in that category. I’m wondering if what you might want instead of a professional cuddle would be a more sensual experience with a provider that doesn’t have the same rigid, rules as we do.
I hope these responses are helpful!
I love how as I’m reading this I’m making a mental list of people.
I started my journey of cuddling with a couple of sessions with a pro-cuddler, whose experience and gentleness helped me get over the rather lonely and desperate place I was in, and gave me an understanding about establishing boundaries.
It is probably very important, for the safety of both parties, that pro- cuddling sets very precise boundaries of platonic touch. Since then, I have met a non-pro, and over many, many months we have explored our own boundaries. I guess that what happens between two consenting adults is up to them, as a relationship evolves over time, But in dealing with pro-cuddlers or any form of cuddle club, it is important to respect a set of rules that everyone can agree represent platonic, non-sexual cuddles.
Breasts are in that middle ground, where some perceive them as non-sexual. But for others they definitely are. So when you find a private cuddle buddy, you can agree a set of boundaries – hopefully your future buddy will have a similar attitude to you, and you will both be content with that boundary.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
I just want to thank you and all the other professional cuddlers for normalizing touch! OMG, people need touch. The skin is our largest sense organ, and it sings heavenly, beautiful notes when we touch another. Oh yes, I was cuddled today, and I’m still singing from it! 🙂
I love that metaphor! Your enthusiasm is…palpable!