Have you ever felt hungry for a hug?

I sure have.

Recently, I found myself alone in a new environment for a few days. I was at an academic training surrounded by strangers outside of my cuddly world. Without my usual access to hugs and emotional connection, I felt separate and isolated. The whole setting felt bleak and cold and I would leave each day feeling immensely drained.

It took a lot of courage and effort to take care of my need for connection while I was there. I bravely reached out to make friends with those who seemed open to it. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and share with these new acquaintances that I was missing hugs. It worked!

What I found was that I wasn’t the only one who was craving more intimacy from the world around me.

If you’re feeling touch starved and are wishing for more, you’re not alone.

Here’s are a few tips to getting more hugs out in the world.

1. Find the Huggers

Start by identifying people and places where hugs are abundant.

Do you have a friend, co-worker, or family member who doles hugs out freely? Do you feel a sense of warmth and care from someone in your life? They’re likely to be open to a request for a hug.

You’ll find lots of huggers at Cuddle Sanctuary, or your local cuddle community. Beyond professional cuddling or cuddle socials though, there are lots of other events that are hug-friendly.

Try finding a dance class that calls out to you (lots of dancers love to hug!). Many spiritual communities are warm, welcoming, and full of huggers. Support groups or meetups focused on emotional healing are also another place where hugs are often encouraged or welcomed.

Putting yourself in these environments will increase your odds of finding more hugs.

2. Serve Those who Need it More

Besides making friends with people who are abundant in hugs, I’ve found it really helpful to look for people who are in need of connection as much as me or more.

Bring a free hugs sign to place with lots of foot traffic. You might just find someone who was really needing a hug that day. Look for opportunities to volunteer with the elderly or the homeless, for example. I’ve found my offers for hugs in such places to be met with gratefulness.

Finding places where my hugs are needed helps normalize my own need for connection, and it feels great to be of service!

3. Create a Ritual

Rituals can serve as placeholders for consistent connection. They don’t have to be elaborate or complicated either.

Do you automatically shake hands when meeting up with someone? What if you changed it to an offer for a hug instead? That’s 2 more hugs you could get: a hug hello and one goodbye.

See if your roommate would be open to good-morning and goodnight hugs. Is there a TV show you like to watch every week? There might be someone interested in joining you. See if they’d be up for holding hands or cuddling platonically with you too!

4. Use Your Words

At the end of the day, the only way to invite more hugs into your life is to ask. Verbally requesting something that feels so vulnerable takes a lot of courage, but it doesn’t take a lot of words.

Here are some of my favorite ways to ask:
“Can we hug?”
“Are you a hugger?”
“I’m a hugger – wanna hug?”
“How about a hug instead of a handshake?”

I’ve learned that I feel safe asking most anyone for a hug, once I’ve had lots of practice learning to be cool with a “No”. It also helps the person I’m asking feel safe with me when they know my feelings won’t get hurt if they’re not interested.

5. Wear Your Love of Hugs on Your Sleeve

I get more hugs than ever these days because it has become a part of my identity.

People know me to be a hugger and a cuddler, and that gives people permission to be more physically affectionate with me. I love this!

If you feel ready, you could come out of the cuddle closet to your close friends. Let them know how meaningful and helpful your cuddle practice has been to you. You may find that this will create more opportunities to hug each other.

You don’t have to talk about cuddling to identify yourself as a hug lover though. Sometimes, it’s as simple as wearing a t-shirt!

I love my cuddle swag. At the training I attended for example, I wore my “Free Hugs” shirt one day, and that was a catalyst to lots conversations about hugs and requests for hugs. This was a simple and delightful way to invite more connection into my day.

You Can Have More!

If you’re wishing for a life with more hugs in it, it isn’t beyond your reach. Yes, it takes effort and courage. This might mean having to drastically change your environment. It requires opening your mouth and being vulnerable. It does mean facing some rejection.

But getting past that to find the connection on the other end is so incredibly worth it.