A few weeks ago I had the chance to speak to a student named Joe from a community college in Kansas. Joe was doing some research for a class and wanted to learn about the world of professional cuddling from a cultural and business perspective. We had a great talk!

Joe brought up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and how it might be related to cuddling. (Maslow was an American psychologist whose most enduring work was this Hierarchy.) I promised Joe I’d write about it. Here it is, Joe!

What is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?

Maslow’s Hierarchy is a theory of human development that’s depicted as a pyramid. Maslow believed that if a person’s most basic needs are taken care of, that person will be motivated to strive to achieve more needs that are higher up the pyramid. The pinnacle of fulfillment at the top is called Self-actualization.

Let’s visit each level. Included in the Physiological level are food, water, sleep, shelter and sex. The Security level includes personal, financial and emotional safety. The Belonging level includes friendships, family and intimacy. Esteem includes getting recognition and respect. And finally Self-actualization refers to achieving one’s highest potential.

Let’s talk about sex

I appreciate that Maslow included sex in his model and I agree it belongs somewhere. But I’m not so sure it belongs at the bottom along with life sustaining needs like food and shelter. The next tier up is Security and that assumes that at the level below, people aren’t necessarily feeling safe while they’re scrounging together the basics.

In my thinking, people who are in some kind of danger aren’t thinking about sex as a priority. I think sex is best moved up two levels to the Belonging section.

Where’s cuddling?

I think Maslow left out an important need along the development path towards self-actualization: Cuddling, of course! I was tempted to place cuddling in the Physiological level because it’s required to help infants develop. But I think it actually fits, like sex, in the Belonging section. John Joseph Powell in his book The Secret of Staying in Love explains it like this:

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”

Do you agree?

Whether you’re someone – like Joe – who considers psychological models or not, these questions are worthwhile to consider:

  • Is cuddling a part of your development?
  • Does it bring you closer to your full potential?

For me, the answer is yes!