It’s probably no surprise to you that the work of professional cuddling is often highly misunderstood.

In particular, onlookers tend to have this idea of and judgement for those would need and pay for cuddling. And it doesn’t look great. 

What You Imagine a Cuddle Client Looks Like

Folks unfamiliar with this work tend to project a rather negative image of those who need or seek out our services. They imagine these clients to be:

• Unattractive & unpopular
• Isolated & lonely
• Desperate & needy
• Men objectifying other women
• Incapable of finding intimacy elsewhere
• Failures at life

Eep! It’s a pretty unflattering picture, isn’t it?

The Stigma and Shame around Need

I’ll confess, this list reflects the exact fears I had, as I stepped into a workshop at Cuddle Sanctuary as a guest for the very first time. I was so worried about being swallowed up by this perceived desperation, I almost didn’t show up.

Many of the clients I see for the first time struggle with this too. They grapple with shame and embarrassment, paying for something “normal” people shouldn’t need to pay for. They worry what other people would think if they found out. I can relate. I’ve definitely felt this very emotion sitting in my therapist’s office, early in my healing journey.

I think all of this speaks to the shame we have around our own neediness and weakness, as well as how much of our own value we attach to popularity, attractiveness and feeling generally successful in life.

I’m so glad that I showed up to cuddle anyway, and that people continue to show up with their curiosity and their needs, giving us all the opportunity to learn over and over again how completely wrong we were.

 

An Insider’s View

As someone who provides this service as a professional cuddler and workshop leader. I’ve spent hours upon hours with hundreds of these clients, sharing space and conversations, and yes, cuddling together. You could say that I have a rather intimate view of this population of individuals who spend money on connection and cuddling.

And let me tell you, these people are amazing.

I’ll say it again: my clients are some of the most incredible people I have ever met in my life.

What a Cuddle Client Really Looks Like

First of all, there is no one “typical” client. They come from so many different walks of life, from a wide range of ages, and all across the gender spectrum. Many are single, or have recently undergone a relationship transition (like the passing of a spouse or a divorce), but there are also those in happy, healthy partnerships who are simply looking for more community and connection.  

We have folks who are on the autism spectrum, who struggle with social isolation and lack of emotional and physical intimacy. We have neurotypical clients who face similar challenges. Many, if not most, lead active, busy lives. Lots of these folks are thriving financially, and have social lives that are flourishing and full to the brim.

Some are going through a temporary rough patch and could use a little extra support in the meanwhile. We see many folks who are on a healing journey, looking to work through trauma or grief, and others who are looking for simple relaxation and peacefulness. Often folks come to practice asking for what they want, or to work on just being able to say ‘No’. There are so many benefits to this cuddling work that it accommodates a large array of humans who find value in it. It’s kind of wonderful!

Each one of these individuals have learned to practice and embody consent in a way that makes you wish the whole world were this respectful and caring for one another.

Do you see any “losers” in my description? I sure don’t.

Why Spending Money Makes Sense

One main piece of discomfort the general public has regarding paying for cuddling, is around the notion that a successful person wouldn’t need to pay for it.

This confuses me a little. We don’t usually associate paying to eat out at a restaurant with the inability to cook. And we certainly don’t shame restaurant patrons for it either. It’s common understanding that it’s luxurious to have a delicious meal perfectly prepared just for you, without you having to do all the additional work around it yourself. We celebrate this enjoyment profusely.

Just because you have friends or a partner who could give you a good shoulder rub, doesn’t mean that it’s a bad idea to pay for a session with a massage therapist. One, the quality of attention and care is likely better with a trained and skilled professional. Two, in a situation where you’re receiving a massage from a friend or a partner, there may be a few more strings attached to it. This could interfere with your ability to completely let go and allow yourself to be pampered.

And so it is with professional cuddling.

There is a ton of value in being able to outsource something that enhances the quality of your life to a professional.  It’s as simple as that.

Personally, I think the fact that our clients know that makes them pretty darned smart!

The One Thing Cuddle Clients Have in Common

So no, I don’t find those who pay for cuddling to be particularly unwanted, unsuccessful, or desperate. Usually, they are just a bunch of tender-hearted humans looking a little extra safety and peace. Sure, most of our clients are grappling with a human need and desire for more connection and belonging in some way. But isn’t that a universal human experience?

We all have an inner child that is hungry for more love and acceptance; we could all use a hug.

If anything, cuddle clients are the very ones rising above the struggle and finding the bliss all of us search for in our lives. The one thing they have in common is that they have each come to recognize a need in their life, they’ve pushed past the stigma, and are taking an active part in their own nourishment, nurturing and care.

Now that’s a bunch of people I would love to spend all of my time with.