Capitalistic Cuddling
A potential client sent me a well articulated rant about the cost of professional cuddling. For him, the fee for a professional cuddling session was way out of his budget. He felt hopeless, and by the end of of email he wrote:
“Oh Jean, it’s highly capitalistic cuddling 😢”
I feel him. I feel you.
Yes, professional cuddling occurs in the context of our capitalistic culture. My colleague Sam explains it well that it’s not her love that clients pay for, it’s her time. She just wouldn’t be able to feed, clothe and shelter herself without charging for services.
Distasteful, even repulsive
I think that may be a reason why professional cuddling has had a hard time catching on. The idea of commodifying tenderness upsets many people. Of course what’s really upsetting is what’s underneath that. As a society, we’ve become so disconnected from each other. Many people don’t have access to simple human contact and need professional support.
What about websites to help cuddlers meet each other?
Non-professional cuddle sites are a Wild West, hit or miss, mostly miss environment. One of my colleagues suggested that it can be a dangerous place – particularly for women. In that discussion it was suggested that well intentioned cis-men may have a smidge better luck.
Tapping deeply into one’s instincts, street smarts and good judgement, it might be worth kissing a bunch of frogs if the result is a kind cuddle buddy. For people who want to get into cuddling and don’t have the resources or interest in hiring a professional, those sites are definitely not my strongest recommendation.
Facilitated Cuddle Events
Gatherings of cuddle-loving, like minded people is a joyful and structured way to enter into the world of cuddling. I wholeheartedly suggest them. Cuddle Sanctuary trains cuddle event leaders as does Cuddle Party.
But with Covid these events aren’t being offered hardly ever!
Yes, my client was really on a rant, and he was right – it’s frustrating! Though I wish I could wave a wand and banish this virus, I at least have some resources to suggest in the meanwhile:
Study the Cuddle Party Rules to get ready for your future attendance at group events.
Review these amazing videos about consent from Betty Martin that can help a person be a good cuddle buddy.
Check out my blogs about finding your own cuddle buddy.
Yes rant!
It really is healthy to rant. To acknowledge overwhelming and unfair odds. To shake a fist at the sky.
And it also takes courage and resilience to then ask the question: Given the situation, what’s my next move?
I haven’t been on the cuddlecomfort.com site for quite some time, but the last time I was there, it seemed like a very safe space to me.
Hi! If you identify as a cis-straight man then you’ve proven my point perfectly.
Every service has a price ,,,compare sitting in a chair or on a sofa talking with a therapist versus being held while talking with a therapist ,,,cannot compare the two ,,,,what is more therapeutic than being cuddled , your head in therapist lap having your hair and forehead touched while speaking what’s on your mind . The price covers also the “ trust factor” which is huge to me.!!! When babies are born ,they learn to talk by hearing you talk and they also learn to feel by being touched ,,,,I do believe if I ever find a cuddle buddy , it’s about me ,I AM looking for cuddle or touch not the person giving the service. It’s just her job , no different than a masseuse.
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective!
As a client I sometimes struggle with having to pay money because it feeds into some self-defeating stories I have. But as a cuddle practitioner, the exchange of money sends a clear effective and easy signal to me that this is a fully professional arrangement and, even if I think my client wants more, I won’t because I have put on my PC hat for this person.
Your “PC hat”: That’s Professional Cuddling! Love the acronym and appreciate your comment and the idea that the transaction has the power to create clarity for the client and practitioner.