I’ve heard people say in a judgmental way that anyone who “pays for touch” must be desperate. There’s usually fear of and contempt for these faceless “desperate people.”

Well I go to cuddle events regularly and have an affectionate boyfriend. Even so, sometimes I need connection and cuddling and there’s no one around to help.

I was just at the airport this week and feeling lonely. It was Day Two of a business trip, and I felt depleted. And so at the Minneapolis airport during my layover I began strategizing – how can I get a hug? First I stopped at a kiosk providing chair massage by the minute. It felt too expensive for my budget and actually I wanted something simpler. Affection. Connection. Then I stopped at a restaurant for lunch. I hoped I might fall into conversation with someone and then ask the person for a hug. The idea of this felt pretty scary. I didn’t talk to anyone.

I wondered if I could get up the courage to make a “Free Hugs” sign and stand in the terminal and see what happened. I couldn’t bring myself to do that on my own. And so I gave and received no touch – as often happens on a business trip.

Am I so scary? Am I worthy of contempt because I needed a hug? Of course not. And neither are people who are grieving a breakup or death of a spouse and dearly miss snuggling their beloved. And neither are people who are new in town and don’t yet have a support system. And neither are people who love their partners but their partners are touch-averse. There are so many reasons why a person may want to seek out touch.

The people who attend Cuddle Sanctuary workshops and who receive Affection Spa treatments aren’t desperate. We are human. We are also self aware for acknowledging that we are mammals built for connection in a world built for isolation. And we are humble for knowing that the need for touch is in us and that need isn’t being met. And we are brave for experimenting with unconventional solutions to a pervasive cultural problem.

And that’s what I have to say about that.