Often, when looking at the RSVPs for a cuddle event, I’ll notice that there are more men signed up than women. It’s not a coincidence – it’s a trend. Why is that?

Is it that women don’t need cuddling?

Do women have less needs for soothing and affection? Based on my own experience, I think not. There’s a cultural belief out there about women and sexuality. The belief is that women have sex as a pathway to their real goal – cuddling. I think that’s pretty insulting to the sex drives of women. The kernel of truth in that belief is that many humans do like cuddling and women are, in fact, human.

Is it that women get plenty of cuddling already?

Maybe the issue is that in our culture, women have more freedom to receive touch. Certainly, there’s less homophobic stigma out in the world when women hug each other versus when men hug each other. There was a scientific study done in different cities in the world to observe how often people touch while having coffee. It was meant to demonstrate cultural norms related to physical connection. In the U.S., that number was very small. So even though women may have more permission for touch, I don’t know that we’re capitalizing on it.

In my own experience, I found myself living in Los Angeles and getting depressed often. I had no idea that receiving safe, soothing affection would help. It did! My inspiration to start Cuddle Sanctuary was that my own needs for touch weren’t getting met. So in answer to my own question, are all women getting enough cuddling in their lives? For, me that answer would be Hell No.

So I’d like to continue this exploration with a few assumptions in place:

  • Humans tend to need an ongoing supply of soothing touch to feel happy and well. (Click here for the science.)
  • Many humans in Los Angeles and other places are in a state of touch deficit.
  • Women are human.

Cuddle Sanctuary offers weekly events and women attend. But let’s just say not all of them. Where are the rest? Why do many women stay away?

I think many women are afraid.

Several years ago, Fei Wyatt – the Chief Cuddle Officer at Cuddle Sanctuary and my dear friend – was actively researching the cuddle industry because she knew she wanted to be a part of it. She found Cuddle Sanctuary and was ready to sign up. Then she saw the RSVP list – mostly men.

“I’ll admit I was hesitant. I was worried that I’d feel beholden to the men there – that as a woman I would get swallowed alive by male need.” Fei – badass that she is – faced her fears and had an amazing, and I would say life changing experience. But the journey from learning about the event to actually walking through the door was a tricky one.

Once a woman makes it through our doorway, she’s in safe and excellent hands. We have guidelines and practices that create a strong feeling of autonomy, choice and empowerment. But none of that matters if women don’t walk through the door. In two weeks, I’ll publish a “Women’s Guide for Attending Cuddle Events.” Don’t miss it!

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