“What if I accidentally get aroused? What if my cuddle buddy does?”

These concerns are an unspoken worry for many people who want more soothing touch in their lives. At Cuddle Sanctuary, I define cuddling as a platonic experience that is independent from sexual activity. Whether you plan to attend a cuddle event, are interested in trying out professional cuddling services or cuddle privately with friends, if unintentional arousal is ever on your mind, this blog’s for you. I’ve gathered tips from four cuddle professionals who deal with this issue on the regular.

Before we dive in, I want to acknowledge that this can be a loaded subject. My intention is to approach it with respect and to provide tips that are straight-forward and road tested. As they say in 12-step programs, “take what you like and leave the rest.” 

The first several suggestions come from Therapeutic Touch Professional, Kyle Hoffman. 

Clothing

The tone we aim to achieve when cuddling is relaxing, peaceful and friendly rather than romantic or erotic. Consider that when choosing what clothing to wear. Avoid options that feel sexy, attractive or appealing in favor of choices that are comfy and cozy. (Flannels not lingerie!)

To decrease sensitivity in the pelvic area, you can consider wearing more than one layer. Some people choose an athletic cup or simply a second pair of underwear.

Release Tension Ahead of Time

For some, it’s a helpful practice to masturbate earlier in the day. This can lower sexual tension and decrease worry about unintentional arousal when cuddling.

Life Happens, and So Do Erections

Even with these intelligent protocols, bodies will be bodies and sometimes unintentional arousal occurs. Please don’t stress yourself out and certainly don’t shame yourself. Here’s what the pros have to say:

Alie Valérie lets her clients know ahead of time that they’ll be using a pillow for any cuddle position where there may be groin contact. She places the pillow between them in every position where it’s relevant. So there’s no need to discuss it during the session.

You can adapt Alie’s technique by letting your cuddle buddy, fellow event attendee or professional cuddler know that you prefer to use a pillow in this way.

If Mela Blust notices unintentional client arousal, she tells the client that she’s going to get a glass of water. She feels that the time that it takes to do that and the shift it creates “has always worked flawlessly without any embarrassment for my clients.”

You can also use the “I’m going to get a glass of water” technique to give you and your cuddle partner some moments apart.

In these situations, Robin Marie just says “let’s shift positions” and then offers a few options that have less contact. You can do the same with clever ideas for cuddle positions in this video, this class or this book!)

Be Brave and Cuddle On

I hope these suggestions are useful to you and that you don’t let the concern of unintentional arousal derail you in your pursuit of a more compassionate, snuggly life. My hope for you is that you feel good, laugh more and cuddle often!

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay