She did it. My colleague Epiphany Jordan cracked the code with her new book, Somebody Hold Me. As the Founder of Cuddle Sanctuary I have grand hopes for change. I envision cuddle shops in every city that are just as prevalent as massage studios. Maybe that dream is in the cards. But what Epiphany has done is bring this healthy practice home.
Partaking in cuddle services is a privilege.
I often hear from people who want to attend an event or have a session but can’t. There are physical and emotional obstacles for many. Some live nowhere near where professional cuddling services and events are offered. Others can’t afford them. Then there are those who feel lonely but aren’t comfortable with the idea of cuddling with humans they don’t know.
The obvious solution
Somebody Hold Me is “The Single Person’s Guide to Nurturing Human Touch.” In a nutshell, Epiphany teaches people how to cuddle with their friends. Doesn’t that sound like the easiest answer to touch deprivation? Get more touch from the people you know.
It can be done, but it may not be easy.
There is so much confusion in the United States where it’s assumed that touch between adults is either sexual or intended to be. That’s why Epiphany doesn’t even begin her instruction until page 95 of her book. The first valuable 94 pages makes a case for the importance of nurturing touch. I like the section that bashes myth after myth:
“Sex is the only way to get your touch needs met.” BASHED
“Your partner will fulfill all of your touch needs.” BASHED
“Your problem is mental, not physical.” (ie. What you really need is therapy.) BASHED
What are some other highlights?
Epiphany captured my heart in the first sentence of Chapter 6 on Consent: This chapter is the most important part of the book. She also offers fantastic ideas in Chapter 10: Assembling Your Crew. My favorite tips are the ones I hadn’t thought of myself.
Look for more than one cuddle buddy
Epiphany suggests you gather three friends or more for nurturing touch experiences. We have so much cultural conditioning that assumes two adults hanging out alone is probably going to turn into a sexual situation. Making your get-togethers a small group can diminish that concern.
Use an actual agreement form
Epiphany includes in Chapter 11 a “Nurturing Human Touch Contract.” If that sounds super formal – you’re right! The purpose of clarifying the intentions of a gathering is to communicate with your crew that you take your own comfort and safety and theirs seriously. Some of the bullet points include:
- I will remain fully clothed at all times.
- I will take the time to check in with myself and will say NO if I don’t feel comfortable with an activity
You deserve a life like Epiphany has.
As you make your way through Somebody Hold Me our author describes a few exquisite day-to-day experiences of platonic love and connection. In one instance, Epiphany was grieving a breakup and scheduled quality time with a trusted friend. Toward the end of the night they climbed into a giant beanbag chair:
“For a few moments, we were both silent. Our breathing slowed and our muscles relaxed…We continued to cuddle, talking, and giggling like teenagers…After about thirty minutes we both began to get sleepy, and called it a night.”
If you follow Epiphany’s clear instructions and navigate a certain amount of awkwardness and keen vulnerability you, too, may cross over into a more pleasant human existence where connection, hugs and affection are plentiful.
A request
If you are feeling jazzed about Somebody Hold Me and have never attended a cuddle event and never had a professional cuddling session, I want to hear from you! Please grab the book and apply the lessons to your life. Let me know how it goes. Where did you get stuck? What were your breakthroughs?
(Psst! Here’s the eBook version if you prefer.)