I’m a fan of good men

When I met Dave Jorgensen, I could tell he was a good man. He dearly wanted to start a business as a professional cuddler serving the elderly in his city – Victoria, British Columbia. His heart was in such a beautiful place. And I could tell he had done meticulous research about the cuddle industry and about Cuddle Sanctuary. He wanted to study with us.

I did my best to – not dissuade him – but give him a clear picture of the obstacles faced by many men in our business:

• In terms of volume, most clients of professional cuddling are men who want to cuddle with a woman.
• The culture has a deep skepticism of men. Sadly, Dave would have to overcome that in order to be trusted to do this work.
• Aside from being in a distrusted gender, professional cuddling is still unknown to most people. Dave would have to do a lot of educating in order to get clients.

Dave was not deterred. He flew to southern California and immersed himself in our course. I was impressed with his dedication to this work and compassion for people. I knew I’d feel proud to have him as a colleague.

Back in Canada

Dave returned home and described to me what happened next:

“I reached out to my most open-minded friends to see if they would volunteer for a practice session. A few responded with a very polite and supportive “no thank you.” I thanked them for their honesty. Privately I wondered how I was going to sell a service that I couldn’t give away for free.”

Dave went ahead and launched his business anyway with optimism and effort. Here’s the flyer he handed out around town.

I didn’t hear from Dave for many months and assumed that no news was good news. That’s when I got the email:

“…The sad news is that I have discontinued Healing Hug Therapy…I knew that starting a new business, especially a business most people did not understand, was going to be difficult. I overestimated my ability to endure the rejection that is part of the brand-building process.”

Wake up Victoria!

Darn.

Hearing this, I felt disappointed for Dave. This man has a huge heart and wants to make the world better. He should be able to do that. The city of Victoria was missing out on his goodness!

Dave approached his disappointment with a better attitude than I:

“Looking back on my experience, I’m struck by how much support I received from both friends and strangers when I told them about this new service. I never felt like I was being misunderstood. If anyone thought it was weird, or silly, they never said so to my face. I think this is part of my straight-white-male privilege: people usually treat me like they take me seriously…People supported it in theory, but wouldn’t commit to it for themselves.”

A good man makes lemon aid

As I continued to read his email, I was moved and amazed by what he said next:

“Fitness has always been my comfort zone so I returned to it when my Hug Therapy business floundered. What I didn’t realize is that the Cuddle Sanctuary training has permanently changed the way I think, speak, and treat other people. I subconsciously brought the tools of Professional Cuddling into my Aquatic Fitness class….I emphasize communication and consent. I apply the language, tone, and energy of a professional cuddling session to a group fitness class. The response has been beyond what I could have imagined. Participants have told me they’ve taken fitness classes for 20 years and never had one like mine. I don’t know what my future looks like, but I think that using Cuddle Sanctuary knowledge to create a safe space for people to work out is going to be a huge part of it.”

Did Dave really fail?

Dave – like all professional cuddlers – is ahead of his time. Rather than hang his head in defeat, he found a way for the good people of Victoria to receive his gifts in a familiar package. I’m grateful that he’s a resilient mo-fo. Victoria is lucky to have him.