When I was just beginning my career as a professional cuddler, I spent a lot of time imagining what the job would look like.

Here’s what I saw in my mind’s eye: I would hold people close. We would have deep, meaningful conversations. They would open up to me, and I would really listen to them and get their inner world. We would be cuddle through tears, grief, and other tough things too scary to face alone. I could see myself administering lots of unconditional love, communicated via presence and soothing touch. Our conversations would feel them feeling supported and with newfound insight. It would be like therapy, but with lots of hugs.

I loved the idea of being able to do this.

What I hadn’t realized, however, was that in my limited imagination, I was missing a whole other essential element of the work.

I Forgot About Pleasure

I wasn’t wrong about this nurturing aspect of the job. In fact, my sessions often look exactly like I imagined. Holding people and supporting them through their pain is a big part of where I’m needed and what I do – and I love it! But there’s much more to professional cuddling than that, and I had completely missed it.

I was so focused on being a remedy to pain, I had forgotten about pleasure.

What about the simple pleasure of skin on skin contact? Or the bliss of getting exactly the kind of touch you are craving? How about the easeful feeling of great companionship? Or the joy of helping someone feel relaxed through your touch? And don’t forget the playfulness and freedom of being welcomed to touch another human being.

There are so many ways to access pleasure in a cuddle session. And yes, we’re talking about cuddles that are 100% platonic.

Pleasure is Not a Dirty Word

Even as I write this, I notice myself want to stop and explain or defend what I mean by pleasure.

For so many of us, pleasure is a dirty word.

It gets vilified for the same reasons we shame sex. We get uncomfortable talking about physical pleasure because we imagine it being sexual. And sexual pleasure, well, that’s just too indulgent and irresponsible, unless it happens in a specific, contained way. At least that’s how we’re programmed to think about it.

As a culture, we keep close tabs on how much enjoyment is too much. We are deeply terrified of too much gratification harming us in some way. To protect ourselves against that, we often create a ceiling for ourselves and others. We let in just a little bit of fun and joy – but not too much – lest we lose ourselves in it.

The result of that, is that so many of us hold ourselves in from being fully expressed. We over-indulge in the only sources of pleasure we’re allowed: food & substances, achievement, sex. Meanwhile, we are chronically starved for what we really need.

There is Healing in Pleasure

Listen, I am a personal growth junkie. No one believes more than me, how facing pain – not avoiding it – is essential to growth and healing. Vulnerability and emotional pain are my good friends.

But that’s only one part of who we are. Our bodies are created to experience pleasure and joy. It craves it. And we create suffering from our resistance of it.

We need to be embracing pleasure at least as much as we celebrate struggle.

Be Present for Joy

I’ve learned that one of my major roles as a professional cuddler is to de-stigmatize pleasure.

Over and over again, I invite clients to really allow themselves to feel in their bodies what it is they want. Then I support them into learning to ask for it.

That may sound simple, but it’s really hard to do, especially when we’re so practiced at being focused on others instead of ourselves.

But learning to stay in the present, letting go of our stories about the past and the future and to simply focus on what feels good now, that is one of the biggest gifts we can gift ourselves.

Shift Happens

The biggest transformations happen when we allow pleasure in.

I see this over and over again with my clients. Once a client begins to believe that they are worthy of feeling good, they start to be able to voice what they want. Something shifts within them, and they start to allow themselves to take in bliss.

The bliss comes in many ways. From being held, from getting to hold, from feeling seen and heard. From receiving exactly what was needed and wanted.

Once they have access to this form of pure joy, something gets unlocked in them. They move about the world more confidently, more securely. They become more integrated. More whole.

We are more whole when we allow ourselves to really, truly, experience pleasure. And frequently, the pleasure we’re missing is completely separate from sexuality. Pleasure can be platonic too.

So go ahead, see if you can let in just a teaspoonful more of delight and pleasure in your life today. See what it shifts for you.