I got a call from the Dr. Phil show, and I was excited but not surprised. Since Cuddle Sanctuary opened its doors in 2014, we’ve been contacted by BuzzFeed, Comedy Central, the Washington Post and (be still by heart) Rolling Stone. But Dr. Phil? This was different; this was potentially huge. I was ready to jump in, but then I slowed down to listen. They wanted to pit my business against another woman’s.

Shit.

The producer explained further. A guy named Paul contacted the show to get help with his marriage. He had invested in his wife Alaska’s fledgling cuddle business and now had regrets. He felt that her marketing was too sexy. The producer suggested that I check out Alaska’s business page on Facebook. It was beyond the word sexy. The featured video included breasts bursting out of a bikini top, crotch close ups and music lyrics including the words fantasy, cuddles, ass and hump.

Double shit.

My team and I have spent tireless months carefully and meticulously creating a place and a space for platonic touch in the world. Through events, blogging, free orientations, Facebook lives, YouTube videos and countless conversations via email and telephone we strive to help our communities relearn and remember that soothing touch is a natural, healthy part of the human experience.

I learned about this the hard way. Years ago, I thought that the only way a single adult could receive connection, affection and intimacy was through a sexual experience. I’m a big fan of sex, but there were many times – particularly when traveling – when what I needed was a hug. I didn’t know there was such a thing as touch deprivation and I certainly didn’t know that there were alternatives to hooking up to get my needs met.

One time on a flight, I saw a photo in a magazine of a group of people cuddling platonically. It was probably an article about Cuddle Party – the pioneers of the cuddle movement. The photo gave me a feeling of longing. When I finally attended a cuddle event, I was amazed how much fun it was, how good I felt afterwards and how great I slept that night. This cuddle stuff was magic!

I learned later that it wasn’t magic, it was science. Comforting touch releases oxytocin in the body. Some scientists call oxytocin the hug hormone or the cuddle chemical. It lowers stress, boosts the immune system, decreases the risk of cardiovascular disease and helps a person sleep better. And so I started Cuddle Sanctuary so I could share the wellness benefits of human touch with more people.

Many folks – when they learn about a cuddling business  – are skeptical. How can you cuddle without it being sexual? If a person’s only experience cuddling as an adult is either before or after sex, this question makes great sense. After leading hundreds of these events and working with scores of clients in individual sessions, I can happily report that there’s no trick to it. We as humans were built for it – and then forgot. Our newcomers, once their jitters are settled, and they are relaxed into a conversation or an embrace will say, “This feels so natural.”

Cuddling businesses are emerging in the U.S. and abroad to tackle the debilitating effects of loneliness. But we’re going about it in different ways. Our practice works with a Code of Ethics. We have certification programs and network with therapists. We are careful not to sexualize our services or ourselves.

Based on her provocative marketing, I assumed that Alaska was offering sexual experiences for her clients. I was surprised to learn that she is actually providing cuddle services quite similar to ours. She holds boundaries, provides compassion and care and keeps it platonic. Dr. Phil and her husband didn’t seem to believe her. I did.

She said she tried to run her business like ours but it wasn’t working. (I feel you Alaska!) She changed her marketing strategy to a hyper-sexualized style and the money rolled in. What does this say about our culture and the state of gender relations? Maybe it’s easier for some men to feel vulnerable and held if they can also objectify the person holding them? I’m sure you have thoughts about this, and I’d love to hear them.

My goal on the show was to be nonjudgmental and honest; to respect Alaska’s position while also sharing my opinion. I think I succeeded; both she and her husband thanked me afterwards. I think Alaska’s marketing approach is more practical and profitable. She is meeting the culture as it (unfortunately) is. Our marketing approach is a harder sell. We’re aspirational – creating the culture as we hope it can be.

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Want to watch the show and see for yourself? The episode is a two-parter on Wednesday and Thursday of this week. Here’s the dramatic (and cringe-worthy) set up: