When I first stepped foot into a Cuddle Sanctuary workshop, it was purely for the sake of research.
I had only recently read that professional cuddling existed as a job. I knew instantaneously: this was to be my calling. My curiosity had been kindled, and that’s when I found Cuddle Sanctuary.
Bravely and timidly at the same time, I attended my first event. My goal was to meet the people in my city who were already in this business, and to test out how I would do in this environment of connecting with strangers. I expected it to be awkward and uncomfortable, at least at first; I hoped that I would have a good time. But I sure did not expect to be blown away.
I left my first cuddle wide eyed, blissed, transformed. I immediately knew I had to share this with all of my friends, and bring this to as many people as possible. My fate was sealed that day: I was hooked.
The Sanctuary
I’m not the only one whose life has been changed from attending a single cuddle event. Perhaps yours has too. This is no accident. There is some potent formula in the way these events are lead that create a fundamental baseline of safety. It’s the consent, it’s the permission, it’s the gentle transitioning from guidance into more connection and freedom as the event moves on. With this safety, attendees are allowed to experiment, to be curious, and to follow their bliss. So much creativity and beauty can emerge from a sturdy container.
Being give permission to say “No thank you” was the biggest take-away for me. I learned to ask for what I wanted, and to sit with gratitude no matter the outcome. I feel so human every time I’m at a workshop, like I’m able to connect with my mammalian needs for community and closeness. It’s been a life-hack to finding utopia in my existence.
I’ve learned, though, that this potent alchemy of oxytocin, safety, and exploration is not always a given. Yes, the touch and hugs make a lot of magic on their own, but there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes that is so smoothly orchestrated, we don’t notice it until we’ve experienced an event without it.
Not All Cuddle Events
I attended a different cuddle event once, where the leader was unfortunately inexperienced. It was apparent to me that there wasn’t a whole lot of thought put into my experience as an attendee. Very early in the event, she arranged us into a very physically intimate formation as a group. Many who were there for the first time, took part through discomfort only because they weren’t given permission to opt out.
Halfway through leading another connective exercise, she disappeared. We sat awkwardly in our assigned groups wondering when we would be given instruction to transition to the next thing. It never came! Eventually, we realized what had happened: the facilitator was too now completely blissed out from her own cuddling and unaware of the rest of the room. We were now on our own.
As attendees, we figured it out. There was still a lot of connection that managed to ensue and things worked out for most participants. But it was a bit like learning to swim by being thrown into the deep end of the pool. We did not drown in the end, but there was probably a much smoother, more fun way to do it.
I left being much more grateful for thoughtful, skilled leadership and facilitation.
The Work of Holding Space
Fast forward a couple of years, and here I am, deeply steeped in the world of cuddling. Nothing I ever imagined for myself can even compare to the joy I’m finding in this work.
Leading and attending cuddle workshops has been the incubator for my work as a professional cuddler and the catalyst to so much personal growth. It was here that I learned in great depth what it means to hold space.
Holding space is a very abstract word that describes a complex set of skills required to craft a successful event or experience. It’s the work of subtle leadership: the kind of leadership that is ever present, but egoless, and almost invisible. Like a glass container, holding the liquid securely in place, but so clear that it’s not the glass, but its contents that you see.
Without the container, the glitter just wouldn’t be able to be appreciated in the same way!
This leadership requires communication and listening skills, excellent awareness of the space and also of each individual. It takes a keen sense and anticipation of the groups’ needs. You’ll need the ability to improvise and be flexible, to hold and maintain clear boundaries, and most of all to connect with each and every one in attendance. Facilitators play the role of host, guide, teacher, coach, administrator, mentor, and friend. It’s a pretty big job!
An Opportunity for Growth
I have grown so much through my work as a workshop leader and facilitator. While I already came with some experience from teaching and leading groups, this honed my skills even further. I have become a much stronger communicator – more aware of the power of my words. This has been a masterclass in consent and authenticity – one that has set me up for so much success in my relationships everywhere else. I have also become more cognizant of my surroundings, more attuned to the needs of those around me. More aware of you.
Above all, I have learned to be far more compassionate than I ever imagined. It is here at the workshops where I have learned to open my heart to every single person in attendance. My own preferences and biases have been challenged, and I have grown from that. I’ve learned that there is a point of joyful connection possible with every single person. It’s been fun to discover what that is with every new person that walks through the door. It’s really fun to be the steward of that experience.
The Joy of Facilitation
There’s a different joy that comes from leading a workshop event than attending one. It’s not quite the blissful stupor I find myself in when I’m there as an attendee. Sure, I do get to cuddle and enjoy connection and community – in fact, modeling the joy of it all is a big part of the job. But there is *just* a little less surrender. No letting my head completely drift up into the oxytocin cloud. I keep at least one foot grounded in awareness of the room. Hey, someone’s got to stick around to hold space.
And yet, there’s something transcendental about being the person who holds space for the profound. Instead of delving into my own individual experience, I get to soak in the sum of everyone else’s journey. First, I get to be of service and craft the kind of event it will be. Then, I get to be the primary witness of the glorious unfoldings.
Yes, this can be a big responsibility, but it is also the deepest honor.
Does this work speak to you? Do you want to share this with as many people as you can just as I did? Are you looking for more growth, more cuddling, and more understanding and appreciation for consent and what what goes on behind the scenes at a cuddle workshop?
You may be interested in our Leadership Guide for Cuddle Events or perhaps our certification program.
This has changed my life and I know it will change yours too.