Are you a woman who’s curious about cuddle events but haven’t yet felt ready to try?

Would you like to invite a female friend to a cuddle event and help her feel safe?

Welcome to the Women’s Guide for Attending Cuddle Events! Though this guide was inspired by the need to boost women’s sense of safety at Cuddle Sanctuary, it can be helpful to anyone who’s on the fence about coming to a cuddle event.

1. Do your research.

What are people saying about the event you’re considering? Google the event and read testimonials or Yelp reviews. If the group has a page on MeetUp.com, read the comments for past events. Are people consistently gushing about how much they love it? Are there complaints? Reading sterling reviews from other women could be very comforting.

2. Bring a friend.

Taking a pal with you can make the thought of attending a cuddle event less daunting and more like an adventure. (And it can also help you feel safer!) If it turns out that the event isn’t your cup of tea, at least you’ll have a story to share. : – )

3. Have an exit strategy.

At Cuddle Sanctuary, every attendee knows that that they can leave at any time for any reason. As you consider trying out a cuddle event, check to see if there’s a policy about leaving early.

If you’re attending the event with a friend, discuss ahead of time how you want to handle it if one of you wants to leave early. Maybe you’ll leave together or maybe you’ll decide to meet at the event so that you have maximum flexibility. Planning ahead is a terrific self-care strategy.

4. Visit the “Solo Salon.”

At Cuddle Sanctuary we designate an area to hang out “solo.” This is a way for people to take a break from the event without having to leave. Many people visit the solo salon as a way to process the experience while it’s happening. See if the event you’d like to attend has a similar space so you can enjoy some “alone time” if you need it.

5. Remember that no touch is required.

In my thinking, an ethical cuddle event has a “no touch required” policy that’s deeply respected by all. At Cuddle Sanctuary, all participants must attend our Orientation (twice!) to confirm that everyone at every event knows how we roll. Double check that this is the case for the event you want to attend. Assuming that it is, really soak in the freedom of that:

• You can be discerning and honor your own boundaries.
• You have the choice to say “Yes” and “No Thanks” without an explanation.
• You can change your mind at any time.

I’ve been asked by newcomer women if it’s okay that they only cuddle with other women. Absolutely.

6. Change your goal for attending.

If your goal is to “get over all of my issues” or “learn to cuddle even though I generally don’t like touch,” you may be setting yourself up for overwhelm. I recommend being very gentle with yourself and your purpose for attending. Try these sweet, compassionate goals:

Practice setting boundaries.

Take good care of myself.

Try one new thing.

7. Ask for support.

There may be a number of reasons why the idea of attending a cuddle event is emotional or in some way confronting. I receive questions regularly from newcomers who want assurances about what to expect. You can contact the leader of the event you’d like to attend and let them know your concerns.

Before attending, consider speaking with a trusted friend or therapist about your fears and hopes. After the event you can “bookend” the experience by sharing how it went for you.

8. Celebrate breakthroughs.

If you’re hesitant to come to an event like this, it will take courage to give it a try. That’s why just attending can be considered a breakthrough. You can celebrate this by reflecting or journal writing on the following questions:

What can I congratulate myself about?

Example: I can check this off my bucket list. I showed up and was brave!

What was enjoyable about this?

Example: I sat back-to-back with someone I just met and it felt unexpectedly nice. We shared a high-five afterwards. It was fun.

What did I learn?

Example: I noticed that I felt guilty when I said “no” to a hug. I want to work on this.

What would I do differently next time?

Example: I want to try the “koala” position next time. It looked like fun.