A few years ago I wrote a check to myself for ten million dollars and post dated it September 24, 2020. My 50th birthday.

A secret gift

It all started with an anonymous package I received in the mail in 2018. A book called You Are a Badass at Making Money. After days of trying to figure it out, my friend Angela admitted to being my secret book sender. Here’s the photo I posted on Facebook trying to figure out the mystery.

Angela sent the book to me after hearing me lament about my limited finances. The book had all kinds of exercises in it for shifting one’s money mindset. Being the mystically minded person that I am, I was game. 

I put lots of effort in

I poured over that book three times over the course of many months. I tried all kinds of things. I made lists, wrote affirmations, made a collage and regularly practiced opening my mind to new, expansive ideas. 

One of the activities was based on an anecdote about Jim Carey who in the 1980’s – before he was famous – wrote himself a large post dated check for “acting services rendered.” Not long before the date on the check, he won his largest acting role in the movie Dumb and Dumber for that large sum of money. Ten million dollars.

I wrote my own check for ten million dollars and looked at it often.

After a time, I put the book back on the shelf. I had done lots of self help and it was time to let life take its course.

My deadline approached

Last month – a week ahead of my birthday – I remembered that my million dollar target date was looming. It was time to assess if that hopeful experiment succeeded or failed.

Did I really need to do any math to figure this out?

If I total up my savings accounts, checking accounts, rainy day account and investments, the total does not equal ten million. Case closed, yes? That activity in the book was a failure, right? Well, if we look at the numbers – the cold hard cash – then yes. Case closed.

What is the value of love?

Weeks ahead of my birthday, I had the chutzpah, the audacity, the pure guts to post a list of ways for friends and family to celebrate me. Where did I get the juevos to be so specific and give everyone in my life the chance to delight me? My birthday came and went, and I was celebrated fully, completely and deeply.

My beau and bestie ordered crab and lobster on my special day. There was vegan chocolate cake and a trip to Joshua Tree with Fei and my crew. My mom and sister lit sparkly, celebratory lights on our Zoom call. Mark in Washington state picked berries, made a pie, and shipped it to me!

My friends August and Melanie re-wrote the lyrics and sang in sweet acapella harmony a 1950’s song made famous by the Everly Brothers: Dream: Dream dream dream Jean…

My friend, Caleb, custom knit an octopus in my chosen color!

And my friend Erin scribed a Dr. Seuss-styled poem with this fine stanza:

How thrilled must I seem,

That my friend’s name is Jean.

It keeps the meter clean,

And rhymes with everything!

Priceless

I learned that there is an invisible substance between myself and other people. It is regard, care, affection, well-wishing. It is love, and it is too big to be contained on a spreadsheet. 

Do I still welcome millions? I sure do. (Oh, the delicious meals I would have prepared for me! Oh, the good causes I would support!) Do I in any way consider the write-yourself-a-check experiment a failure? I don’t. It expanded my definition of wealth.

Do you feel it?

It’s hard to know how much one is loved. On my birthday last month I got a taste.

I wonder how many people include you in their invisible web of kindness? I bet there are some you aren’t even aware of. Even those of you who consider yourselves loners. You may be richer than you think.