Have you heard of the book called The 5 Love Languages? It introduces what Gary Chapman, the author, calls “emotional communication preferences.” The book was originally written for couples, but it’s incredibly valuable for anyone who wants to better understand the important people in their lives. And it’s soooo handy for holiday gift giving.

I’ll go over each love language briefly and then talk about gifts.

Words of Affirmation

The people who favor this love language thrive on authentic compliments. Notice and say out loud their positive skills, strengths and attributes. When you tell them what you like or admire about them, it melts their hearts.

Acts of Service

The people who have this love language feel your love when you assist them. Your acts of service may be as simple as helping with the laundry, researching something for them or preparing them a cup of tea. Asking them how you can help and then following through with the task opens their hearts.

Receiving Gifts

There are people who adore receiving gifts. Their eyes will light up when they see a wrapped present from you. The holiday gift giving frenzy comes from an assumption that receiving material gifts is everyone’s love language. Not so! If you want your gift to have a big, beautiful impact, give a typical gift – a purchased object – only if that’s the person’s love language.

Quality Time

People whose love language is quality time adore undivided attention. Turn off your phone and give them eye contact. Share conversation with them and deeply listen to what they have to say. This helps “Quality Time” folks feel especially valued, wanted and seen.

Physical Touch

Aaah yes, this one. The people with physical touch as their love language enjoy things like hugs, foot rubs, holding hands or a massage. Forget the scented candle, they want to snuggle!

How Do I Figure Out the Love Language of my Favorite People?

Here are a few ideas:

Send them this blog and say, “Hey, what’s your love language?”

Take the 5 Love Languages Quiz and ask them to take it, too.

Take a guess based on what you observe about them. : – )

Someone on My List Has Physical Touch as Their Love Language: Got Tips?

I do! First think about your relationship with that person. Might they be open to an offer of touch from you? If you’re feeling confident about that, think about what kind of touch they might enjoy. Then create a coupon. Here are some ideas:

Redeemable for One 15 Minute Shoulder Massage

Redeemable for 5 Foot Rubs

Redeemable for 10 Minutes of Gentle Caresses

You can make the coupon by hand or use computer graphics. 

love languages

Another option is to send that person to a professional. If your person lives in Los Angeles, get them a Cuddle Sanctuary Gift Card. Cuddle Sanctuary Long Beach and Cuddle Sanctuary San Diego are also having special events and offers. If your person lives outside of Southern California, try contacting our friends at Cuddlist or Cuddle Party.

love languages


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