Today’s my 49th birthday. I wanted to share with you a wonderful development – a birthday gift that I wouldn’t have dreamed to ask for.

The Rolling Stone Article

Last October, a few people who know me well sent me an article in Rolling Stone that described a new position on TV and film sets called an “Intimacy Coordinator.” An Intimacy Coordinator supports and protects actors when shooting scenes that include nudity and simulated sex. Given my enthusiasm for good boundaries and my background in sex education, my peeps told me, “This is work you should be doing!” I thought it sounded really exciting. I likened it to being a “consent consultant.” It felt like a perfect complement to my work at Cuddle Sanctuary.

Born Out of The #MeToo Movement

On TV and film sets there are stunt coordinators, watchdog groups who confirm that animals aren’t being harmed and on-set teachers for children. But there hasn’t been a designated person to help actors in their most vulnerable moments on the job. The sorry result is there have been abuses of power, trauma and garden variety crappy work experiences for many people – a majority of them women. The #MeToo movement changed that. It empowered actress Emily Meade – who was working on the show The Deuce – to demand that there be an advocate for her and her colleagues. I’m so glad she did. The #MeToo movement and the Kavaneugh hearing hit me – like many people – hard. I had feelings of rage, hopelessness and memories of my own sexual assault. This new role gave me a chance to do something meaningful and tangible.

A Very Obsessed Holiday

December 2018 found me deeply focused on preparing myself for this work. I found a mentor and developed a website. I started cold calling agents and managers, and even had the moxie to contact Brad Pitt’s production company:

“…If anyone on the team would like to learn more about this role, it would be my pleasure to set up a conversation in the New Year…”

No response. 

Training Highlights

In January I started receiving specialized training. I enjoyed exploring ideas about consent with my colleagues. The effortless part of the training was role playing the delicate conversations with the actors I would be having. It was easy breezy given my work with Cuddle Sanctuary. Besides the simple stuff, I also had to learn about Screen Actors Guild contract language, “modesty garments,” the production personnel with whom I’d be collaborating and a thing or two about cinematography. One evening I got to spend some time learning the nuts and bolts of the work on the set of HBO’s Euphoria. (Cool huh?)

A Lot of Waiting

Months went by and I wasn’t getting any work. In one case, the timing wasn’t right. In another case, they went with someone more experienced. Then there was the time that the production thought they needed someone and then didn’t. I told myself that I must be really close to my goal and that it’s just a matter of time.

Two weeks ago a colleague texted me that she was two thirds the way through a Netflix movie but had a conflict and couldn’t finish the job. Would I be interested?

Fun and Service

Today is September 24, 2019 and I now have four days of work on a big Hollywood production under my belt. I’ve conducted conversations with talented actors and spoken twice with the director so that there are no surprises on the set. I’m doing a fine job! Last night I texted the Production Supervisor to ask if she needs me back this week. I hope she does.

In our intake call, one of the actors made mention of a producer on the film. “When I spoke to Brad…”  he said. That’s when I remembered that this was a Plan B production – Brad Pitt’s production company! I can’t help but smile. Though I think it’s glamorous to work on a film for his production company, that’s just the icing on the birthday cake. The real gift is that there’s yet another way for me to make a difference in the world doing work I enjoy.