It’s been one week since election day. Many of us are grappling with feelings of anger, hopelessness, shock and sadness. As I write to you I am sensitive to the fact that not everyone receiving this email voted the same way that I did. It is important to me to speak to everyone in my community –not just those that agree with me. For the record, I voted for Hillary.

If you, like me, are trying to figure out what the hell to do given the new situation we are in since Election Day, I will share with you what I am doing. And in general, if you’ve ever felt your thoughts steeped in negative thinking – for whatever reason – these tips may be useful for you, too.

Tip #1

“Don’t take the poison hoping the other person is going to die.”

This quote is a really important reminder to me to pay close attention to the thoughts I’m having about other people. In my case, it’s Donald Trump. I noticed myself in the past few months thinking about him a lot– vengeful, angry thoughts. I also observed when having these thoughts a burning sensation in my chest. There have been scientific studies that have made the connection between the mind and the body – how attitude can affect health outcomes for instance.

My thoughts certainly didn’t prevent him from prevailing on Election Day, right? They are basically hurting only me. For my physical and mental health, I am taking action to help me to think less poisonous thoughts about this person. I am not “letting him off the hook” or making him less accountable. I am simply “unhooking” myself. Here’s how I do it, and some of you are going to hate this.

I send him positive thoughts. When I write in my journal, I spend a few minutes wishing that dude a good day. I hope he enjoys his breakfast. I hope he has an open heart today. I hope he has a belly laugh. I hope he gets a hug.

I learned this technique many years ago. I used it on a neighbor that I thought I hated. We now have much more harmony. I once used the technique on a very scary new boss. Get this: that boss quit on my second day of work giving me tons more freedom and autonomy.

Remember the purpose – to unhook myself from unproductive thinking. If you want to try this practice, I recommend it for two minutes a day for three weeks. Let me know how it goes.

Tip #2

Give money to causes who support your hopes for the world. A contribution large or small makes me feel like I’m participating in the solution. (Volunteering is a great – and free- option.) If you’d like a list of the groups I’m supporting, please feel free to ask.

Tip #3

Be a good listener. If you know someone who’s struggling with the election results, hear them. For me, that means asking a person of color or someone from the LGBTQ community or a Muslim person or an immigrant how they are doing regarding the election, and then listening to what they say.

Tip #4

Attend community events that soothe your heart. For me, that’s Cuddle Sanctuary. On the Wednesday night after the election, we came together with Fei as the leader. Everyone was given a chance to share with the group what they needed. Some needed quiet, and others needed connection. And some were processing a lot of emotional pain. We all felt better by the end. Several of us said, “blissful.”

What local events could you attend that could be soothing to you?

Tip #5

Be the change.

I am putting gusto, passion and time into the success of Cuddle Sanctuary. I can see that we are helping to make the world a little more kind. Now I want to make the world a lot more kind. Thursday, night I’m offering a webinar called “Be a Professional Cuddler.” If you or someone you know wants to learn the basics, please forward this link along – and thank you for helping me “be the change.”

What change in the world do you want to see? What small action could you take today? Perhaps it’s one of the tips above. Whatever it is, please know that I’m thinking of you and grateful for your interest in this work.

Big (consensual) Hug,

Jean