I loved the times when my mom would ask us kids to add “leafs” to the dining room table so that more family members could fit around it. We would get out the nice silverware, the soft, beige tablecloth and the slate and black china that was kept in the dining room cabinet. For Thanksgiving, we sometimes broke tradition and served duck as the main course. And then there was that one time where my uncle made homemade sushi! I am lucky to have so many family holiday memories from childhood.
In hindsight one aspect of the family get-togethers that I regret was the unspoken requirement as a kid that I needed to hug and kiss relatives hello and goodbye. This compulsory affection was part of a greeting ritual that – as a family – we never questioned. The children had a part to play; we dutifully hugged and kissed whomever we were told to.
This is common in many families and that it has concerning unintended consequences. It teaches children that they don’t get to exercise preference over who gets to touch them. It makes it harder for people in adult life to voice wants and needs around touch and can negatively impact their experience with affection, sexuality and sense of self.
This is one of the reasons that I’m so passionate about consent at Cuddle Sanctuary. It’s an opportunity to help people get back their voice and choice when it comes to touch.