A Professional Achievement

For the past few months, I’ve been hired to work on television and film sets as an Intimacy Coordinator. Last week I got to experience a dream come true. I was flown out of state to work on a film “on location.” Working on location on a movie has been on my bucket list for a long time. I had this idealistic image of being part of a mobile tribe, like a circus. We would work together and explore the city in our off hours. It would be great!

The Newbie

As the new kid on the crew, I met lots of people and did my best to keep straight which person did what. With jetlag, my early mornings felt like I was arriving to work at 5:00am. Once back at the hotel, I needed to rest and prepare for the next day. After a few days, it was time for me to fly home. So – no – it wasn’t a panacea of fun times with a new pack of friends. I did notice that after just a few days away from my routine, I felt lonely and disconnected.

The Chef

On my third day on the set I accidentally arrived way too early. I was doing my best to stay out of the way of the equipment and folks who were working. (This is a large component of working on a film set I’ve learned.) I fell into conversation with a guy who – like me – wasn’t occupied. I learned that he was an executive chef. He was on location to provide meals for one of the VIPs. This was a three month gig for him. He had a wife and 2-year old at home and was missing his family. If I felt lonely after just a few days, imagine what this guy was going through!

My Problem Solving Mind

Back in Los Angeles I began to think about the puzzle of loneliness when working away from home. I envisioned cast and crew game nights and movie-and-popcorn nights. My fantasy about one day putting on a Cuddle Sanctuary Social was tempered by the complexity of sharing platonic affection with one’s colleagues. It was an interesting puzzle indeed. 

Enter: Justin Timberlake

Justin Timberlake has also been on location, but for a different film. This means he has spent weeks away from his wife and 4-year old kid. Last month, he was blowing off steam with friends from the production and – god forbid – he held hands with one of them. And (said with mock horror) he’s a married man!

The interweb was abuzz with rumors of the “hand holding incident.” Someone who was there insists that “He was on an open balcony. They were among friends. It was nothing…There is 100 percent nothing going on.”

Advice for JT

If Justin asked me how to deal with the natural loneliness that comes when away from the comforts of one’s tribe, these are suggestions that would come to mind:

  • Hold hands
  • Get some hugs
  • Hang out with people

I would give Justin a high five for enjoying social camaraderie in public rather than – let’s say – breaking his relationship agreements in private. If there was friction with his wife, I’d encourage them to talk about how they define monogamy as a couple and the benefits of platonic human connection. I’d hope they could find understanding between themselves.

Public Embarrassment

In response to the mounting pressure, Timberlake posted a response on Instagram:

“I stay away from gossip as much as I can, but for my family, I feel it is important to address recent rumors that are hurting the people I love. A few weeks ago I displayed a strong lapse in judgment — but let me be clear — nothing happened between me and my co-star…I apologize to my amazing wife and family for putting them through such an embarrassing situation, and I am focused on being the best husband and father I can be.”

Leave Justin Timberlake Alone

Justin shouldn’t have to apologize. Or be accused. Or have to defend himself. So hey world: Leave Justin Timrberlake alone. And instead, let’s have conversations about our needs for touch and how those needs don’t disappear when we are working away from home.

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