As many of you know, my dad died earlier this month. I spent ten days on an emotional roller coaster of sadness, laughter, sibling friction, nostalgia, empathy and pure grief. I’ll never forget the experience of my brother, sister, mom and I in the guest bedroom holding each other – me crying.

Even though there was support available on the home front, I made the excellent choice to deepen my self-care with a professional cuddling session. Who – you might ask – was my professional cuddler? Even though I was in South Florida, across the country from my Los Angeles cuddle community, I was less than an hour’s drive from Jay – a cuddler who certified with Cuddle Sanctuary in 2017. Isn’t that incredible serendipity?

This was my first session with Jay and he had every right to be nervous. After all, I was his teacher, right? What I experienced was the pure flow of a loving, gifted compassion-worker. Jay was the perfect person to hold me while I cried, blew my nose then cried some more.

Here are some of the qualities that Jay embodied that made my session so memorable and wonderful.

Calm

As any client might, I felt vulnerable requesting a session. What helped me every step of the way was Jay’s calm demeanor. The administrative process was seamless including detailed instructions about where to meet him. Once we were face-to-face, he was peaceful and unhurried. When he opened the door to his space, it was lovely and tidy with chill music playing. I felt expected, like an honored guest. The whole vibe was calm.

Attunement

Jay gave me a choice of where to make myself comfortable for what’s typically called a “Check-in.” The Check-in is a conversation to learn more about what the client needs and hopes for the session. At this point I had no words. I began to unravel in the safest place and with the safest person. I just looked into Jay’s eyes and cried. Jay adjusted to my need in a heartbeat and there was just quiet and tears. This exquisite moment was possible because Jay is an expert at attunement. Psychotherapist Richard Erskine defines attunement like this:

“…a kinesthetic and emotional sensing of others…being in their skin, and going beyond empathy to create a two-person experience of unbroken… connectedness…”

During the session, Jay’s attention was on me. As my needs and requests changed, he was right there:

I wanted to talk. Jay listened.

I wanted to be quiet. Silence was welcome.

I wanted to be held. He held me tight.

Jay was alert to my needs like a boss. And because of his excellent training (ahem), I could trust that he had good boundaries and would take care of himself throughout the session. (So I didn’t have to worry about that!)

“Good Energy”

I arrived at Jay’s feeling kind of fucked up and left happy. (I actually sang to myself in the car on the way home.) This result is due to a lot of qualities that Jay has that I will sum up as Good Energy. Jay’s intention was service, the result was love.

Ready to try it?

Whether you’re grieving like me or simply need some everyday TLC, maybe it’s time to give this thing called professional cuddling a whirl. You can meet Cuddle Sanctuary peeps (including Jay) or try Cuddlist or Certified Cuddlers who are also doing great, diligent work training professionals.